Holiday Blues

So my new year isn't starting off very well. I spent the evening with my mom, my husband, my father-in-law and my precious children. It was pretty weak as far as New Year's Eves go, and a little depressing as it is the first New Year's I've spent home doing nothing. As we move into a brand new year, I should be happy and carefree, ready for a new start. Instead, I sit here more depressed than ever. I've tried to tell myself that I have a million reasons to be happy, but the truth is, besides my two beautiful and wonderful children, I feel completely and utterly alone. Three years ago when I quit my job to be a stay-at-home mom, I thought I was doing the best thing in the world, but tonight, as I sit her by myself, I'm not so sure. Yes, I know it is great for my kids to have a parent home all of the time and I know it saves money because daycare is so expensive, but it has changed my life so completely and I'm not sure it is all for the better. I was once a social butterfly who thrived on being with other people. I was always doing something whether it was with a large group of people or just hanging with my bff. Now, most of my days are spent in my pj's, cleaning house, cooking meals, and hanging out with my toddler's who are extremely entertaining, but not very deep conversationists. I don't want any of you to think I don't love my children or that I don't love being with them, I just feel like there is something missing in my life right now. I miss my girlfriends. I miss having someone to gossip with. I miss having a life outside of my house. I know that I will have to be the one to change it. I have lost a part of my identity and really need to find myself again. I don't usually make New Year's resolutions, but maybe this year I will. 1) I will get back in contact with my friends and start getting out a little more. 2) I will make an effort to meet new people and build new relationships that help me to feel fulfilled as well as re-establishing my relationship with God since it has weakened a little in the past year. 3) I will continue to be a good mom and will work on being a great mom. I will spend more quality time actually doing things with them instead of just being with them. 4) I will not necessarily lose weight, but will start being healthier by eating better and exercising more. 5) I WILL apply to and WILL get into grad school! I have to do these things not just for me, but for my family. They need me and I cannot allow myself to wallow in self pity. Please pray for a happy and fullfiling 2009 for my family and I and I will do the same for all of you! :)