Being a Mom

Some days I wonder if I am really cut out to be a mom. Don't get me wrong. I love my kids with all of my heart and soul and I love being a mommy, but even after 2 1/2 years, sometimes I second guess myself. I wonder if I'm making the right choices, doing the right things, or raising them the right way. It's not like you get a user manual and though everyone wants to give you advice, you still have to figure out what is best for you, your family, and most of all your children. Having two children so close in age can often be extremely trying, especially now that they are both mobile. Overall I know it is the best thing I have ever done and as they get a little older, it will get easier. Some days can be very frustrating, especially on days when one of the kids are fussy or when one of them decides to be more difficult than usual. Then there are days like today where everything just clicks and I truly believe that being a mommy is what I'm meant to do with my life. My kids have never been on a schedule and I find it so hard to keep one, which is probably one of the main reasons I sometimes feel like a bit of a failure as a mom. I've been working really hard to get us all on a schedule and it's finally starting to pay off. The kids actually had three solid meals, a couple of healthy snacks, a good nap (which they took at the same time!), and went to bed at a decent hour. I even managed to do three loads of laundry, the dishes, pick up the house a bit, and get some exercise! I feel so good! I feel like I am completely in control and I think the kids sense it too. Hopefully this will become a trend and every day will feel so wonderful.

The only negative thing today has been that poor little Justin has had major diarrhea and he cries every time I have to change his diaper (which has been pretty frequent). It's been bad since the first diaper this morning complete with a very bad rash, and I know it is painful for him. We've stopped using wipes and started using soft cloths, but even that doesn't seem to help. The poor guy just shivers and shakes and screams. I don't know if he has a stomach bug or if it was something he ate, but my heart just breaks each and every time he cries. Please pray that it is better tomorrow. He's already woke up twice to be changed since I put him to bed 2 hours ago, so I'm thinking that tonight will be a long night.